Obviously blogging is not my first priority. I enjoy blogging. I enjoy writing. I also enjoy reading, knitting, photography, crafting, watching movies, TV, eating, walking, listening to audio books, and sleeping. Unfortunately I have a full time job which comes before all of the other stuff that I enjoy. There’s the rub. I don’t hate my job, in fact most days I rather enjoy it but the push and pull on my time is very frustrating. I’m overwhelmed with the number of things in my life that I don’t have time for. Why is it that the thing that occupies the most of my time is not one of the things that I listed above? Money. It all comes down to money. I need my job because I need money. I am the breadwinner (ha, what an oxymoron) so off to work I go.
Lately I’ve been more overwhelmed than usual with the pull of things that aren’t necessarily things that I want to spend my time on. I find myself spending way more time on necessary things than fun things. This isn’t anything new. This has been my life for years. It just lately that I’m letting myself acknowledge the imbalance.
Heres an example: Don’t judge me but we have not put up a Christmas tree for 5 years now. Our tree is a 12 foot artificial monster and it is pretty when it’s all up and decorated but the time and effort it takes for putting up and taking down was something my husband and I decided to forgo in an effort to free up more time for other stuff. Last year I didn’t even get out Christmas decorations. The only decorations were outdoor and they were minor and the only reason I put those out was so that the neighbors wouldn’t come over to see if we were okay. That is another blog post, nosy neighbors. So, not taking the time for these activities maybe freed up some time but for what gain. I have not been in the Christmas mood for a long time. In fact Christmas makes me sad. It’s a reminder of what I don’t have time for. This year I am contemplating getting a smaller tree and putting out some decorations. But, I look at my house and I see tons of clutter that is not Christmas decorations. So, I need to find the time to clean…then decorate. Back to the drawing board of trying to find time for all of the things.
I am currently in chiropractic care stemming from an incident of sciatica in July. I also get regular massages. Both my chiropractor and my massage therapist tell me every single time that I am carrying a lot of stress in my muscles and that I need to do relaxation stretching and breathing exercises. Where do I fit THAT into my already full to do list? Those forms of therapy are intended to be non medicinal healing for my abused body (by abuse I mean self abuse) but it ends up just overwhelming me more.
I want to sit down and make lists. Lists of where my time is needed and where my time is wanted. I need creative outlets but I need to limit those to areas that relax me, not stress me out further. I’m not sure where blogging fits into that framework, but I’m contemplating discontinuing my weekly photo challenge (52 frames) at the end of the year, and using that time and getting back to photoblogging (on my time and with my ideas). I may combine the intent of this blog with photos that I take myself, rather than using shutterstock as I have been doing. Similar to when I started out with this blog. I do know that in order to be successful at any type of blogging it needs to be scheduled and time needs to be allotted….all of which is a challenge for me. Stay tuned.